NOT MY FAULT GUV !

The resignation of Bob Quick, the assistant commissioner, over the leak scandal has caused wide consternation amongst the government with, they believe, a terrible precedent being set. A Downing Street spokesman said ‘The Government is greatly concerned that people resigning because they have made a monumental cock-up makes the position of the Prime Minister, the Chancellor, the Home Secretary.. in fact the whole of the Labour front bench completely untenable’. He added ‘The idea of anyone being culpable for anything is, as you know, a completely alien idea within any British Government. We thought this idea of resigning as a matter of honour was finished with Profumo, but it seems we still have some way to go make sure this resigning nonsense is discarded to the dustbin of political history’. A Tory party spokesman went on ‘ We never expected Bob to resign…we thought the government would just send him to Brussels as a commissioner for a couple of years and then bring him back and install him in the House of Lords like they did Mandelson…but to resign !…this puts enormous pressure on us when we get elected to start behaving in a responsible manner and, frankly, is just not on‘. Many Mps were not keen to comment publicly, but Sir Rupert Snidey-Prick, MP for Upper Bloated in Surrey said ‘Damn disgrace, man’s a bounder. Just given the great unwashed another stick to beat us with !.Bad enough they attack the expenses I claim on my second home, Bloaty Castle, set in 200 acres, but pretty soon they will start complaining about the subsidised meals and drinks I get at the commons !…would find it very difficult to do my job properly without my daily bottle of Möet at £1.00 a bottle?. David Cameron was unavailable for comment.